Along with dwelling on how this summer will be with my oldest friends (in my post from yesterday), I have been contemplating my future. Since almost sixth grade I have considered becoming a psychologist. I was a friend who would talk to anyone about anything at anytime of the day to make sure they were feeling better. My mom actually suggested the profession to me first and I fell in love with the idea. The dilemma I am currently facing is the love for literature, writing, and creativity that I have inside of me. You see, I like to think of myself as a somewhat diverse person. I have a passion for many aspects of life and always have. Getting lost in a book, escaping into my notebook, finding joy in shopping, dancing (and training) for hours, watching video after video and reading blog after blog on the latest fashion trends and the different ways I can contour and highlight my face or curl my hair…but also going to a baseball, football, or basketball game, laying in my front room with my dad talking sports or even better shooting hoops with him in our driveway…, and then the simple things I fall in love with such as riding a bike or going for a hike, sitting at a bonfire or on the back porch drinking wine, laying under the stars on a warm evening, the smell of the summer grass, the beauty of freshly fallen snow, the crunch of autumn leaves, and the incredible refreshment of a spring thunder storm, the thought of traveling any where in the world and meeting new, completely different people from yourself yet finding that you’re also very similar and learning more than you ever thought you could from new people and a new culture. I could go on for days of the “things” that I have fallen in love with. I am certainly passionate about life. Everyone says we don’t need to figure our lives out right away, but it sure does feel like at the age of 18 years old, about to be 19 years old in just less than two months, I’m supposed to know exactly what I want to devote my time to. I’ve always had trouble making decisions and it was something I never liked about myself. It made me feel weak, unsure, or not confident. When asked what my favorite movie, music, or memory is, I never seemed to be able to give an answer, and I felt as though I was not smart enough to form my own opinions because of that. But maybe I have such trouble making decisions or settling on one favorite “thing”, simply because I allow myself to fall in love with so many different moments, ideas, thoughts, activities, and experiences, that I get overwhelmed when having to decide upon one measly “thing”. With so many great opportunities in front of us… why should we have to choose just one? Surely it is not a bad thing that I see beauty in so many aspects of life. Indecision may not always such a bad trait after all, for I feel that everyone should allow themselves to be passionate about as much as they can and to experience each one of those wonderful “things” to the fullest.
Still Trying
Well I guess this blogging concept isn’t going to be as easy as I felt it would be when I first decided to begin. I had to have guessed I would be busy, but I should never become too busy to not be able to pursue my dream. Life does get in the way, but it won’t stop me. While I would love this blog to be a super artsy, insightful, and eye opening blog, I guess I should first start with writing what I know. I mean that is where all famous authors start… right? I guess we’ll find out. Well, recently I have been nearing the end of my freshman year. It’s a bittersweet type of feeling– Ending such a successful year, knowing that I really can succeed in this college world, but having to say goodbye to what is familiar all over again and go back home for the summer, to my changed friends and busy family. I guess I knew my friends would change and home would never be the same, but it has been hard to accept; different than I expected I guess. I see glimmers of our old selves: in the conversations we have about life or the bad joke someone attempts to make in a passing comment. But now more than ever it seems that mostly our conversations consist of the fond memories we have with each other, as if we can only live in the past now, and no longer move forward into creating new memories. All the talk revolves around that crazy night I had at college that you just wouldn’t get because ,well, you weren’t there! Or which fraternity’s boys are the hottest. Maybe this is the way it is suppose to progress, high school friends were just that: for high school. On the other side of the spectrum, I’m not sure how I am supposed to leave my newest friends for the entirety of 3 and a half months. I sure sound like a typical college freshman, but these people that I spend each and every day with, that I depend on to take the spot of family, it’ll be hard to be apart from that for this long a time. But I’m sure it will make August 2014, coming back to school, that much sweeter.
My Brave Story.
Today, at 4:37 am, on a Thursday morning, I decided to start living my life without fear. I will live each day being fearless. While my acts of bravery may not move mountains, I will learn and discover. I will no longer simply wish or want, because I no longer question whether I can or cannot achieve. I simply can. I simply will. I no longer say I would like to become a psychologist or a writer, because I WILL become a psychologist and a writer. I am strong. I am fearless. I will live a fearless life. And it will all start at 4:41 am, on an early Thursday morning, after staying up all night studying and watching one simple youtube video… I begin My Brave Story by taking a first step in making my dreams come true. Because I am fearless.
mybravestory 